How do I love thee? By honoring Type, Strategy, and Authority.
There's a wonderful scene in Bridget Jones's Diary when the uptight Mark Darcy follows Bridget Jones to the foyer as she's waiting for her taxi after being humiliated at a dinner party where she is the only single person at the table.
He walks down the curved staircase and, after listing several of her "ridiculous" qualities, tells her he likes her.
When she protests, reminding him of the unflattering portrait he just gave, he interrupts her and says:
"No. I like you. Very much. Just as you are."
This is what love is when you meet your Human Design.
In honor of Valentine's Day, we offer you tips for expressing the Human Design love language of your beloveds — friends, parents, children, lovers:
Understanding the MANIFESTORS in your life
Manifestors grew up being told they were too much in one way or another, and were conditioned to be small. They're here to initiate change through big ideas and bold expression. They don't tolerate drama and they don't like to be controlled. Their closed aura is built to protect them, but it can leave a false impression that they lack warmth or affection.
Loving the MANIFESTORS in your life
Give your Manifestor a voice in planning what you do together. Better yet, let them decide. They usually know what they want — they've just been conditioned to hold back. If what they decide doesn't agree with your own Strategy and Authority, let them know. Manifestors have a very powerful aura and when a Manifestor's Ego is also defined, they can feel a bit like a freight train coming at you. While their aura feels unstoppable, it isn't. Inform them when something isn't working for you and they'll be inspired to make an adjustment. After all, they want an experience that brings a feeling of peace, and that only happens when everyone's true needs are being met.
Understanding the GENERATORS in your life
Generators grew up being the "good" kids, doing all the extra work to help out in the home, at school, in clubs. If it required physical energy, they had the energy to do it — even if they didn't want to. Their work and productivity is often taken for granted, which can lead to use and abuse, especially if they have an undefined Ego, Solar Plexus, or G center and they're operating from their conditioning instead of their true self. They can feel like they're valued as a "worker bee" instead of the creative builder they are.
Loving the GENERATORS in your life
If you really want to know how a Generator feels before they take action, ask them a yes/no question and listen for their Sacral response. Listen to what their throat utters involuntarily. Don't let them justify their answers with lengthy explanations. This is how the mind gets in the way. It rationalizes away the soul's genuine desire, replacing it with guilt or appeasement. So if you're planning a swanky evening out, ask them if that's what would make them happy. If their answer is 'no,' don't take it personally. Co-create a new plan by asking yes/no questions to build an experience they've said an authentic 'yes' to with every option you've suggested.
Understanding the MANIFESTING GENERATORS in your life
Manifesting Generators grew up being stigmatized for changing their minds a lot, not sticking with anything, or quitting. Their need to explore and consume the world around them in all its wondrous glory was their way of learning who they were and what mattered to them. While dance class may have appealed to them in theory, dance practice quickly taught them they didn't want to be a dancer. On their way to becoming who they are, they've left a trail of artifacts for who they might have been, which can feel shameful until they realize that this is their process of learning and becoming.
Loving the MANIFESTING GENERATORS in your life
Give them spontaneity and variety! And always, always, always ask them yes/no questions to see how they really feel about what you're offering. Give their Sacral space to respond. (See "Loving the GENERATORS in your life" above.) Because Manifesting Generators have a rapid motor to throat connection (like Manifestors), their initial responses can sometimes be too quick. While their first response may feel to them like a genuine 'yes' (when they really mean 'no') or 'no' (when they really mean 'yes'), it will serve you both well to wait a beat after their initial response and ask ‘are you sure’?
Learn more about Manifesting Generators.
Understanding the PROJECTORS in your life
Projectors grew up in the shadow of Generators and Manifesting Generators, two energy types that are valued in our society for their visible productivity and energy levels. Projectors just don't operate that way, and when they do they become physically depleted and emotionally bitter for not getting the recognition they deserve for their brilliance.
Loving the PROJECTORS in your life
Show the Projectors in your life that you really see them by recognizing what's uniquely them. Tell them how they bring out the uniqueness in you (this is why they exist). Projectors thrive one-on-one, so let them into your heart space — allow yourself to be open and vulnerable. Curate an experience that favors intimacy, e.g. a movie followed by a thoughtful discussion over coffee. Projectors aren't about small talk or superficial experiences — they crave depth, perspective, and meaning.
Understanding the REFLECTORS in your life
Reflectors grew up feeling like pretenders because they're built to sample everyone else's energy. And while their aura is built to protect them from their openness, they are still subject to enormous conditioning pressure to fit in or find their place until they become aware of how their energy works. Like Projectors, they can feel overshadowed by the Generator/Manifesting Generator productivity pressure to be of value through perpetual busyness.
Loving the REFLECTORS in your life
Reflectors live to be surprised and delighted. There's an innocence and childlike wonder when they're released from their conditioning. While grand gestures have their place, loving the Reflectors in your life means connecting with them in small, intentional ways throughout their Lunar cycle. Notice the nuanced ways their energy changes and create a series of sweet nothings to surprise them — a sunset walk, a love haiku, a salt bath. Choose something to do each day for 28 days, and watch your relationship evolve into something that's downright heavenly.
There is nothing more exquisite than the unconditional acceptance of our individual uniqueness — but we can't fully see or appreciate the uniqueness of another until we fully see and appreciate the uniqueness in ourselves.
What's your energy type? Download your free Human Design Chart.
Note: Every Human Design chart is more than the sum of its parts, and every element of a chart affects — and is affected by — every other element. Human Design is a deeply layered, complex system that integrates eastern and western traditions and wisdom. When I share discrete elements of a chart, I am simply sharing glimpses into the mechanics of Human Design (and the Gene Keys) to show others how they, too, can discern practical insights from their own charts into their uniqueness and the patterns of thought, behavior, conditioning, emotions, and psychology that keep them from achieving their highest potential or living their best life.
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