Conditioning, De-conditioning, and the True Self
Last week, during a coaching session, I had to call a client out on how they were conditioning their child.
Her child, a teenager (and Generator in Human Design), was declining invitations to hang out with a friend at their house. My client was bothered by this, concerned that, if her child continued to decline these invitations, the invites would stop coming and she offered this "insight" and guidance to her child.
This, my friends, is conditioning. It seems so harmless on the surface, but it can be insidious over time, slowly snuffing out the uniqueness of an individual soul.
Conditioning is neatly labeled "socialization," but the truth is that it's about fitting in — conforming to society's standards and the status quo, no matter how ill-fitting these rules and demands might be for the individual. And in the case of my client's child (and ~67% of the population), it's also an affront to the way their Sacral energy works to guide them in alignment with their own True Nature.
Generator types must learn to trust their Sacral response
As a Generator aura type (which includes Manifesting Generators), our job is to create space for the world to come to us so that we can respond authentically. The invitation from a friend was the world showing up. The immediate response of "no" was honest and aligned. The Sacral response is protection for that powerful energetic motor. When it's on, it's saying you have energy for this. When it's off, it's saying you don't. There is no need for explanations or rationalizations or justifications. That is the work of the mind and that's the liberation Human Design offers us to operate as our most authentic self.
When we seek to change or challenge a Generator/Manifesting Generator's response through reason, we are conditioning them to not trust their own knowing. When we are offended by the immediacy and directness of their response when it's "no", that's our own wounding to resolve, not theirs.
When being "nice" isn't authentic
Calling a client out when they are operating out of their own alignment is never easy for me. In fact, it's quite difficult because of my own conditioning to be "nice".
I have an undefined Solar Plexus with the gate of Friendship activated — a dormant potential for love and connection. I'm three years into my own de-conditioning journey and it's still uncomfortable for me to speak an inconvenient truth. It can also be difficult for others in my life who are used to a prior version of me that often-times went along to get along, discounting my own needs and making myself small or even invisible because being truthful would create an inconvenience.
But as Brené Brown reminds us, clear is kind, and unclear is unkind.
When you're being "nice" instead of truthful with the ones you love or serve, you are actually robbing them of a vital opportunity to see clearly and grow.
For humanity to heal, we must each go within and heal our own wounds first.
We must look at where we're living half-lives because of other people's dictates and expectations — however well-intentioned they might be — and release ourselves, gently and lovingly, into an awakening and celebration of the True Self that has been neatly tucked away so as not to offend, inconvenience another, or disrupt the status quo.
Breaking the cycle of conditioning
Like me, my client also has an undefined Solar Plexus. She has also been conditioned to be "nice" and welcoming and nurturing to others — even if it means undermining or sacrificing her own needs and desires. In calling out her own fears about her child's social life, she was able to witness how she was unconsciously passing along her own conditioning to prioritize the other's needs and feelings over her own, and being "okay" with that.
De-conditioning is the ultimate payoff to living your Human Design.
It is the bridge to your emotional and energetic freedom. The opportunity to de-condition is in all the little moments and exchanges we have with another. This is actually why we are here — to learn and grow and evolve humanity together.
This exchange with my client helped her to recognize the authentic needs of her child so she can show up and honor her child's design when a situation like this presents itself again. It also helped my client see the source of her own conditioning so that she may heal and release it going forward. It also helped me acknowledge where I am in my own growth and discomfort with showing up in truth — especially when it's inconvenient.
Your Human Design Blueprint is a roadmap for de-conditioning
Your Human Design is a blueprint of your True Self in its highest vibration and your Not Self where you are most vulnerable to conditioning (and really shitty decision-making).
You can certainly de-condition your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors without Human Design, but Human Design offers precision and a system to support you in making changes — efficiently and consistently, and with confidence and clarity.
Click here to download your free Human Design chart and see where you're holding your True Self back or making yourself small because of other people's hopes, dreams, feelings, or expectations, better known as "conditioning".
Note: Every Human Design chart is more than the sum of its parts, and every element of a chart affects — and is affected by — every other element. Human Design is a deeply layered, complex system that integrates eastern and western traditions and wisdom. When I share discrete elements of a chart, I am simply sharing glimpses into the mechanics of Human Design (and the Gene Keys) to show others how they, too, can discern practical insights from their own charts into their uniqueness and the patterns of thought, behavior, conditioning, emotions, and psychology that keep them from achieving their highest potential or living their best life.
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